For friends and neighbours
How to really help.
When someone around you has lost a loved one, suddenly has a family member who needs care, or is going through a separation, many people want to help but do not know how. Here are some concrete ideas.
Make a concrete offer
“Let me know if you need anything” is well meant, but in an exceptional situation hardly anyone gets in touch. A concrete offer that only needs a yes is better:
- “I’ll bring you something to eat on Thursday.”
- “I’ll pick the children up from school on Wednesday.”
- “I’ll do your shopping on Saturday. Just send me a list.”
Take things off their hands
- Bring food that only needs warming up.
- Go shopping, take out the rubbish, water the plants, walk the dog.
- Offer lifts, for example to the funeral director, the doctor or a care advice appointment.
- Go through the post and sort out what is important, if that is wanted.
Come along to appointments and calls
Many people find it hard to call offices, banks or insurers. Offer to be there, take notes or copy documents. The person concerned usually makes the call themselves, but it is easier with someone by their side.
Stay around, also later on
In the first days many people get in touch; after a few weeks it goes quiet. That is exactly when a message, a walk or a coffee helps. Also think of days that can be hard, such as birthdays or holidays.
What often does more harm than good
- Unsolicited advice on what to do or not to do now.
- Comparisons with your own experiences that turn the conversation towards yourself.
- Pushing them to “get back to normal”.
Listening, being there and practical help are usually worth more than finding the right words.
Share the overview
Our plans help to sort out the many tasks. You can look at them together and share out the tasks: